Ha! Last night I dreamed I was driving to work, in LA, and while coming down a hill, I saw her. She was quite tall, and let's say while not heavyset she was not the anorexic-pilates addicted-1,000 calories-a-day actress type, either. Bedecked in layers of long, see-through negligees, she was poking holes in the grass with her ridiculous, fur-toed high heel slippers. I had a perfect view of her ample backside through the long sheer outer robe. I got the impression she'd read a lot of romance novels and was trying to dress the part.
She turned her head and I saw big alligator tears streaming down her face, dragging mascara with it. She seemed to be looking for a cliff to throw herself from. I was more concerned she'd get hit by a car. So I pulled over and rolled down the passenger window halfway. She bent over to look inside, with her big pouty red lipstick lips, noticing I wasn't Prince Charming. I held up my cell phone and said, "Go home, honey, I am calling the police about you." Not even the Drama Queen wants to get arrested, so she turned around and started tromping back up the hill, presumably to her apartment.
So while driving on, I dialed 911 and was put on hold for several minutes. I ended up in some kind of airy tunnel, or airport hallway (the kind with the flat escalators), or perhaps a hospital waiting line, where I somehow offended a really rough chick with a couple of toddlers. She seriously wanted to kick my butt, so there I was with the cell phone open waiting for 911 to answer, and trying my best to talk her out of it, using a combination of looking her right in the eye and not backing down, and my best improvisational no-blame-Buddha calm. Right in the middle of her attitude and her toddler's crying loudly, the 911 operator answered. I managed to weasel my way out of a physical confrontation and picked up the phone.
The operator, naturally, thought I was calling about that. I explained, "No, I took care of that one. I'm calling about this woman I saw tromping down the hill in her bedroom attire, crying." To which the operator replied, "Was it so-and-so from Channel 7 news?" And I'm thinking, I really don't know who these local news anchors are anymore, so I said, "I don't think so. I didn't recognize her." Suddenly there's silence on the other end, then the 911 operator says, "Are you driving?" Our town has a cell phone law -- no talkie while you drive-ee. So I quickly hung up!
Then I woke up. And I noticed, the girldog sleeping on the floor by my bed was having a nightmare. LOL!